Thursday, January 3, 2008

bad dog

Thanks to reader W.B. Yeast for alerting me that our new dog friend, Tzunami, hacked her way into my blog account and posted disturbing accusations. Little did we know that while we were gone for a few hours (at the orphanage where we volunteer each week to teach reading skills to poor, deaf, motherless, leper children), our cute little punkin was home slandering us.

Let me tell you something about Tzunami. She is not the Little Miss Innocent Victim she makes out to be. Not by a long shot. For instance, consider what happened last Saturday morning. We were rushing off to an emergency at the local sewage treatment plant (where we volunteer regularly to rescue water fowl whenever they’re caught in the intake pipes). “Bye Tzunami,” we said as we rushed out the door, “we’ll be back in a couple of hours.” On the way to the rescue we realized we’d forgotten our snorkels and so rushed back home to get them. This is what we saw when we returned to the house earlier than expected:

There we found her, splayed on the couch watching Animal Planet, lousy drunk on hard cider. (No wonder she’s so eager to be let out to pee whenever we get home.) Drinking again, and it wasn’t even 9AM! She was watching an unnecessarily graphic special about elk behavior during rutting season, while rubbing her own belly with the remote in ways the good people at TiVo never imagined. Disgusting!

I think somebody needs a B.A.T.H.

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