Monday, December 29, 2014

Walmart Douchebags

Here’s an image of a Walmart douchebag:

This douchebag cost me $10.08 at my local Walmart. I’m not sure what it does.

I did my best to follow the instructions, but some steps don’t make a whole lot of sense. The package said it was supposed to leave me feeling fresh, but it only left me feeling awkward and confused (and a wee bit excited).


Here’s another image of Walmart douchebags:

These are just some of the Walton family, heirs of the $171 billion Walmart fortune. This year these douchebags were handed $3.16 billion in dividends. Meanwhile, the average Walmart worker with children lives below the poverty line.

As far as I can tell, the only work the Walton family does, to earn their $3.16 billion paycheck, is to show up at a meeting once a year to veto shareholder proposals that would pay their workers a living wage.


I don’t understand what any of these Walmart douchebags--the hygiene product or the family heirs--are good for. Both types of Walmart douchebags seem kind of fishy. And both leave a bad taste in my mouth.


I’ve read (here) that Walmart could give each of it’s employees a $5,000 raise, bringing most of their employees above the poverty line, without hurting the Walton family a bit; in fact it might even help the Walmart bottom line. But I say that’s too good for those Walmart douchebags.

You know what you call someone who doesn’t work and just lives off handouts? A freeloader. The Walton family are a bunch of freeloader douchebags and I’d personally like to see all the money go to the hardworking employees. Those freeloading Walton douchebags should have to go out and work for a living.

To be fair, it can be hard to get a job without training or job experience. Their Waltony hands are too soft for manual labor, having never been calloused by the hard work of doing anything except counting money, and buying fine art, yachts, and fancy cars.

But the Waltons do have experience at doing one thing: they’re experienced at being douchebags. There are a lot of people out there whose orifices are not as fresh smelling as a field of daisies after a light rain. So let’s get those Walton’s to work doing what they know: being douchebags, using their so-soft hands to service our American holes. That’s the kind of Walmart family shareholder I want to see.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Our Dublin Vacation

We recently fulfilled our long-time dream of taking a vacation to Dublin. (Boy oh boy, did we need a vacation!) Dublin was everything we had hoped for, and more. Take a look:


As you can see, Dubliners take a lot of pride in keeping their streets clean, safe, and friendly.

And they feel it’s important to support the local street artists.


The Dublin food is wonderful. The people are always ready to help. And they’re so friendly!

Here we are enjoying a local brew and a bite to eat at one of their many fine restaurants and pubs. (I admit, we may have enjoyed a little too much of the food and drink--but what are vacations for).


The plazas in Dublin are their centers of commerce, social interaction, entertainment, dining, and nightlife. Here is Amy in one of the Dublin plazas.

BTW, I believe the local term for such a plaza is “strip mall”.


Our hotel accomodations were top notch, complete with television (with many English language channels) and breakfast in the lobby with other travellers.

This is our room:

and the view out our window, overlooking the plaza:


But, alas, no vacation can go on forever. So we had to bid Dublin adiĆ³s and adiue.

Here you can see Amy reluctantly headed toward the subway platform, for our trip back home to Oakland, a few Bart stops away from Dublin.


Farewell, Dublin, and your lovely green rolling hills, your wonderful food and drink, your inspiring arts, and your friendly people. We will always be there in our hearts, even if we can’t always be there physically (at least not until we rustle up another $4.25 in Bart fare).