Monday, December 29, 2014

Walmart Douchebags

Here’s an image of a Walmart douchebag:

This douchebag cost me $10.08 at my local Walmart. I’m not sure what it does.

I did my best to follow the instructions, but some steps don’t make a whole lot of sense. The package said it was supposed to leave me feeling fresh, but it only left me feeling awkward and confused (and a wee bit excited).


Here’s another image of Walmart douchebags:

These are just some of the Walton family, heirs of the $171 billion Walmart fortune. This year these douchebags were handed $3.16 billion in dividends. Meanwhile, the average Walmart worker with children lives below the poverty line.

As far as I can tell, the only work the Walton family does, to earn their $3.16 billion paycheck, is to show up at a meeting once a year to veto shareholder proposals that would pay their workers a living wage.


I don’t understand what any of these Walmart douchebags--the hygiene product or the family heirs--are good for. Both types of Walmart douchebags seem kind of fishy. And both leave a bad taste in my mouth.


I’ve read (here) that Walmart could give each of it’s employees a $5,000 raise, bringing most of their employees above the poverty line, without hurting the Walton family a bit; in fact it might even help the Walmart bottom line. But I say that’s too good for those Walmart douchebags.

You know what you call someone who doesn’t work and just lives off handouts? A freeloader. The Walton family are a bunch of freeloader douchebags and I’d personally like to see all the money go to the hardworking employees. Those freeloading Walton douchebags should have to go out and work for a living.

To be fair, it can be hard to get a job without training or job experience. Their Waltony hands are too soft for manual labor, having never been calloused by the hard work of doing anything except counting money, and buying fine art, yachts, and fancy cars.

But the Waltons do have experience at doing one thing: they’re experienced at being douchebags. There are a lot of people out there whose orifices are not as fresh smelling as a field of daisies after a light rain. So let’s get those Walton’s to work doing what they know: being douchebags, using their so-soft hands to service our American holes. That’s the kind of Walmart family shareholder I want to see.


  1. you're really discussing is the H.G.Wells charactors called the " Morlocks" ( elites) "

  2. The current premis of the highlighted , likely inbred family is that the world is a limited resource and they do not like to share.

    Further , those who toil for them are future food sources . As all parasites know, eventually one kills the host, in this case the labor, discarding the carcass and moving on to a fresh source enegy .
    Elitists and their families make a goal of leveraging the basic needs of the Eloi's to survive and exploit them as " Human capital".

    Interesting that this is an actual term they currently use .
    Once they have extracted every last drop of usefulness from the workers , they must contrive ways to extinguish them from the planet , lest they consume more of the planet's limited resources. They are then considered " useless eaters".
    The Preditory, largely unproductive sponges cannot create anything , thus their need to exploit the Eloi.
    Their corporations act as government over the production of current and future resource.
    When the Eloi overpopulate, they must be exterminated down to managable size lest they rise up and kill their overlords.
    Mass genocide is a tool of their control as is centralization and inventory of all planetary sources of resources -
    Their current blueprint is called Vision 2030 , run by the United Nations .
    It is the Agenda for the 21st century to inventory and control all labor, natural resources , food, energy and human beings on the planet and is well underway. A plan executed with patient relay of generations of " Douche- Bag Families at the top of the food chain.
    They cannabalize and exploit their slaves with stealth think tanks who study and psycologically create the matrix ( A Plato's Cave) around each generation of plantation offspring. Society is expertly engineered so that the Slaves have the illusion of being free to choose their destiny. Unfortunately recent cracks are beginning to show as the matrix walls grow thin and the Eloi wake up to the fact of their enslavment.
    This is why since the 90's in particular, drugging and soft kill poisoning or chemical lobotomizing has become a priority for the Morlocks.
    The consequence of mass planetory rapeing of natural resources and environments have begun to throw the planet into extinction level feedback loops such as Fukashima radiation meltdown and marine life extinction are nearly outside of their greedy control . for all you ever want to know about the media blackout on this fact.

    As depressing as this is- some of us have broken free from Platos cave and are leading the revoloution that must follow- the Walton family is well aware that their preditory days are numbered!