Friday, September 28, 2007

Climatologists admit they’re wrong about global warming.

Climatologists at the National Snow and Ice Data Center report record loss of Arctic see ice this summer. Compared to the previous record, this year the Arctic lost 386,100 square miles of ice, or about the size of Texas and California combined.

This amount of ice loss is even worse than any previous estimate. In this Reuters article, one scientist says, “the sea ice is diminishing much faster than any of the models predicted.” And in this Scientific American article, they tell us: “Such precipitous loss of ice cover far outpaces anything climate models or scientists have predicted.”

So these “scientist” guys are admitting, right out in the open, that their estimates have been way off all along. They’re basically saying, “none of our predictions are accurate--we don’t know what we’re talking about.”

Are we supposed to believe these people, who have already admitted that that can’t make predictions worth beans, when they then predict that mankind's continued use of fossil fuels will lead to global warming, environmental calamities, and global devastation? Pshaw!

These Chicken Little, Henny Penny, Gore-osive, economy-hating “scientists” make me so angry! Arrgh!

I think I’ll go for a drive to blow off a little steam and cool down.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

22 Racist Remarks

  • All races are equal.
  • Michael Jackson is black. George Hamilton is white.
  • Racial skin shade is directly correlated to how much sun exposure their ancestors experienced (combining latitude, foliage, and possibly temperature/clothing).
  • Most people’s ideal skin color is an average of all the skin colors they see throughout the day (beauty tends to follow this formula-of-averageness for all features). If you want to be a sexy movie star try to arrange it so that one grandparent is from Africa, two are from Europe, and the fourth is a mix of Asia and Pacific Islands. Think Halle Berry; she usually gets the coloring right.

    Three actors trying to achieve the color.
  • If you are 10% Race A, 10% Race B, 10% Race C, etc… Choose to call yourself by whichever race is the minority in society. That will make you the most special. Think Halle Berry.
  • Here’s my favorite racist joke: Race X excels in Characteristic A, but that’s only because Race X sucks at Characteristic B (it being understood that My Race, which is Race Y, excels in Characteristic B, which is the really important characteristic.)
  • Racer X, enigmatic driver of car number 9, was actually Rex Racer, Speed Racer’s self-exiled brother. He did what he could to protect Speed.
  • The difference in penis length between men of different races is statistically insignificant compared to the difference in penis length between the sexes.
  • Men’s penis sizes are more similar when they’re thinking about Halle Berry than when they’re not. [link]
  • Racial profiling doesn’t capture our best side.
  • Race-based affirmative action in college admissions will continually face heated opposition; wealth-based affirmative action won’t. (Intelligence-based affirmative action has yet to catch on.)
  • Racial minorities don’t prosper in a society if their ancestors did not choose to live within that society. Race matters less than choice (as shown by more-recent immigrants-by-choice).
  • All racist remarks are stupid, as are those who make them.
  • It is every tribe’s right to create a new term of pride for their people, to replace the previous generation’s term (which will have become an epithet). The new term should contain more syllables and/or more words than the old term (and the new term will become an epithet).
  • I am an Asian-American. More specifically: a Cauc-Asian-American (three hyphens!). Please don’t call me “Oriental”; I find that offensive. I’m also offended if you call me “Mongoloid.” Or “retard.” Or “fat-ass” (only fellow Fat-Ass-Americans are allowed to call me that).
  • I’m also African-American. My ancestors left Africa sometime in the last 50,000 years (give or take) and entered America sometime in the last 100 years.
  • Natural selection favors racism. Let’s hope “civilization” solves that problem as neatly as it solved the problem of nakedness.
  • Each tribe once ruled a territory, for a while. This may be known as their golden era. The golden era is remembered with sweet fondness and provides great inspiration.
  • Each tribe’s golden era ends when some other tribe viciously displaces them (through slaughter, genocide, subjugation, assimilation, and other atrocities). This is remembered with bitter hatred and provides great inspiration.
  • Each tribe’s golden era began when it viciously displaced the tribe that ruled before them. This is forgotten.
  • We all have ancestors who supported genocide.
  • All races are equal: rotten to the core.
Next week: We calculate fair victim compensation for Neanderthal Survivors.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Will the Alpha and Omega please rise?

A blaspheming Nebraska politician (state senator Ernie Chambers) is suing God, as reported here. He’s suing God for:
  • causing untold death and horror
  • fearsome floods ... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes
  • making terrorist threats
I wish I could have made this stuff up.

God must be feeling terrible right now. Your first lawsuit, even if it’s purely frivolous, is always devastating. He is probably thinking the worst: What if they take everything?! What if they take the entire universe? Where will I live?!!

Problem is: God has no good legal representation: There are no lawyers in heaven.

He could represent himself, but a God who represents himself will have an Almighty Fool for a client.

God’s only hope of a fair trial is Satan and his Lawyer Minions of Hell. But it’s going to cost money. A lot of money! (The Lawyer Minions of Hell do not work pro bono.)

During hours of insomnia-induced research, there are two things I’ve learned from early-morning religious TV shows that can help us save Him:
  1. God is all-powerful, but for some holy reason beyond our terrestrial comprehension He is unable to create His own money. So call into those TV shows and send them all your savings.
  2. Prayer works. So pray. Pray very hard! Pray to Satan to make the best defense strategy possible for God’s case, or to at least cop a reasonable plea.
God must win this case. If we let Him go to jail he’ll never get out. No parole board, having read His rap sheet in the Bible / Koran / Torah, will ever let Him out early for good behavior.

Next week: RIAA sues The Muses for p2p sharing and copyright infringement.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

No Honor Among Hackers

Recent sequence of events:
  • The clever duck-haters at Apple create an iPhone and sell it (like hot cakes) with a clear agreement that AT&T is the carrier. Anyone who does not like that agreement is free to not give Apple and AT&T their money and instead buy any of hundreds of other phones from other carriers. Better still, they are free to create a better phone of their own.
  • These hackers (clearly adherents to FCE4AAA) are clever enough to hack the iPhone so it can use carriers other than AT&T, but are not clever enough to create a better phone of their own. They charge people $99 to use the hack.
  • A bunch of other hackers are clever enough to hack those hackers’ hack, but are not clever enough to create a better phone of their own. They tell people how to unlock the iPhone for free here.
  • This hacker is clever enough to socially hack those hackers’ hackers’ hack, but is not clever enough to create a better phone of his own. He almost claims a donation of $41,560.
We have hackers hacking hackers hacking hackers. If these adolescents (whatever their calendar age, their behavior is adolescent) were outright thieves they would show each other some respect. Is there no honor among hackers?

I don’t think any of these hackers broke the law. I do know that they did not bring us any closer to having a better phone. Even if they did break laws most of them are probably too young to go anywhere but juvenile hall. At the very least, their parents should send them to bed without supper.