- causing untold death and horror
- fearsome floods ... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes
- making terrorist threats
God must be feeling terrible right now. Your first lawsuit, even if it’s purely frivolous, is always devastating. He is probably thinking the worst: What if they take everything?! What if they take the entire universe? Where will I live?!!
Problem is: God has no good legal representation: There are no lawyers in heaven.
He could represent himself, but a God who represents himself will have an Almighty Fool for a client.
God’s only hope of a fair trial is Satan and his Lawyer Minions of Hell. But it’s going to cost money. A lot of money! (The Lawyer Minions of Hell do not work pro bono.)
During hours of insomnia-induced research, there are two things I’ve learned from early-morning religious TV shows that can help us save Him:
- God is all-powerful, but for some holy reason beyond our terrestrial comprehension He is unable to create His own money. So call into those TV shows and send them all your savings.
- Prayer works. So pray. Pray very hard! Pray to Satan to make the best defense strategy possible for God’s case, or to at least cop a reasonable plea.
Next week: RIAA sues The Muses for p2p sharing and copyright infringement.