Sunday, April 6, 2008

Two candidates, one bowling cup

Hillary may have been joking on April 1 when she challenged Barack to a winner-take-all bowl-off, but I don’t think it’s such a bad idea. As my old army buddy Walter Sobchak used to say, you can learn all you need to know about a person by watching how they move when they bowl.

So how about it? Let’s hold that bowl-off, watch the candidates, and make our decision by examining each candidate’s bowl movements.
  • Are Hillary's bowl movements all runny and loosey-goosey, or are her bowl movements rigid and firm?

  • Does Barack grunt during his bowl movements?

  • In a public alley, does Hillary crouch during her bowl movements or does she stand?

  • Can Hillary even perform her bowl movements while people are watching?

  • Does Barack blow-dry his hands before each bowl movement, after each bowl movement, or both?

  • Does Hillary stay and watch after each bowl movement, or does she immediately turn away?

  • Do each of Barack's bowl movements end with a victory dance while he shouts “you can’t touch this”?

  • Can either candidate, or any of their supporters, honestly say their bowl movements don’t stink?

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