Apple’s 4.0.1 Developer License prohibits apps written by the left hand

News Item: A small but vocal subset of developers across the web are registering their outrage at this change in Apple’s new iPhone 4.0.1 SDK license:

15.3.5 Applications must be written using only the developer’s right hand (e.g. applications written using the left hand, or partially written with the left hand are prohibited).

The primary reason for the change, say sources familiar with Apple’s plans, are to ensure quality of user experience, better multitasking, and longer batter life.

“A quality user experience is critical to the iPhone and iPad experience,” said Steve Jobs, who declined to specify if he was left-handed, right-handed, or bisexual. “Beautiful apps start with beautiful code. Our User Interface Imagineers have determined that the right hand, which is closer to the return key, produces more newlines, a cleaner source-code look, and, hence, more beautiful apps. Such code also extends battery life in a multitasking environment.” Jobs further explained that developers using their left hand to code are overly tempted to be masturbating with their right hand, or accidentally using too many words starting with letters from the left side of the keyboard, such as “Adobe”, “Silverlight”, “Flash”, or “Google”.

In a press release it was also announced that the Apple board has agreed to shorten Jobs’ lengthy title from “Chief Executive Officer” to just “Führer”.